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some very very good vimes facts™ i have picked up while rereading jingo
- absentmindedly strikes matches using sgt. detrius, who is made of rock, on multiple occasions
- murmurs sarcastic clapbacks under his breath during official city council meetings, while vetinari glares at him. the saltiest bitch in the game
- allergic to paperwork, apparently solely because he can’t stand his coworkers spelling and/or punctuation from hell
- thinks “so are we gonna have a war or what” is appropriate diplomatic dialogue
- literally so noir that he takes extra unofficial patrols to stand in the rain at 3 in the morning and brood
- and fucking loves it
- honestly doing his best to work against a lifetime of ingrained prejudices. not perfect but t r y i n g
- fluent in latatian (discworld latin) or fucking close enough for a guy with presumably no secondary education
- doesn’t give a shit about the laws of space and time, just the good old laws of ankh morpork. get that supernatural shit outta here
- can toss his sword high enough to spin three times and still catch it by the handle
- “a watchman is a civilian you inbred streak of piss”
- will only eat food which Sybil has burnt beyond recognition cooked over the flame of a live swamp dragon
- so in love with his wife, gets really flustered every time she speaks
- a knight, but incredibly embarrassed about it
- by the end of this book pretty much the second most powerful man in the city, being a duke in a kingdom with no king, and still really embarrassed about it
- ghost rides the whip piloting a boat through a deadly thunderstorm on not one but TWO separate occasions (here and in snuff), still doesn’t know how the fuck boats work
- calls the prow of a ship ‘the sharp part’
- i can’t let this go by without mentioning this sonofabitch also ARRESTED TWO OPPOSING ARMIES and then his OWN TYRANT in order to stop a war like how incredibly Extra–
- fuckin made me cry again guys ive read this book like ten times
(via sirterrypratchett)
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oh so you like metal? name 3 blacksmiths
Will, Jaden and Willow.
This post has TWO puns I can’t handle this.
(via martymcchicken)
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Just realised that the British currency does this. Mind. Blown.
sssssssh
(via mamaleh6994)
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Jack was employed into service for the East India Trading Company and was given command of the Wicked Wench. However, after he set free a cargo of slaves, his employer, Cutler Beckett, had Jack branded as a pirate and the Wench set aflame and sunk. After failing to rescue the Wench, Sparrow struck a bargain with the ghostly captain of the Flying Dutchman, Davy Jones, to resurrect his beloved vessel. Jones returned the ship to Jack in near perfect condition except for the permanently charred hull. This prompted Jack to rename her the Black Pearl.
(via)
Jack Sparrow just got way cooler.
BABE
Yo, this is why Norrington said he’s the “worst pirate I’ve ever heard of,” and then Jack followed it up with, “But you have heard of me.”
Because Jack was branded a Pirate because he freed people rather than stealing anything. So Norrington, with his sense of duty, knows that Jack has been branded a criminal for actively not being a terrible human being. Norrington is torn between his duty as a naval officer and knowing that Jack is right.
He freed exactly 100 people, that’s why his debt to Jones was 100 souls. Davy has a sick sense of irony after all. Jack freed 100 souls and as a consequence his ship got sunk. Now his ship has been raised and as a consequence, he has to enslave 100 souls. This explains his reluctance to actually pay back the debt.
Crap, the latter portion of this franchise was a lot smarter than I thought it was…
There’s so much people don’t get about this franchise, the story is really more complex than just “funny drunken pirate meets hottie lady and hottie man with occasional visits from squid man”.
(via mamaleh6994)
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REBLOG if you’re gonna miss Matt Smith as the Doctor.
I want to prove to a friend that he will be dearly missed.
Goodbye, m’dear.
ONLY 360 NOTES!!! WHOVIANS YOU’D BETTER GET OVER HERE AND REBLOG THIS ASAP!!
(via howdareyoutakemyurl)
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Reddit was asked what the best two sentence horror story they could come up with was. Here are the terrifying results.
(via creepysora)
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im gonna keep making puns until this gets notes
i wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. then it hit me
im glad i learned sign language. its pretty handy
I USED TO HAVE A FEAR OF HURDLES BUT I GOT OVER IT
(via ltsacombatskirt)
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For those who don’t get the joke, that wizard in the bottom gif is played by Sylvester McCoy aka the Seventh Doctor.
….OH GOD HOBBITWHO. -screams-
(via ltsacombatskirt)
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Jessica Rey - The evolution of the swim suit Modesty isn’t about hiding your body but about displaying your dignity.
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In the moments before she dies, a woman whose hair used to be bright ginger is visited by a man in a bowtie. She does not know who he is and thinks about giving him a piece of her mind till he moves forward and presses his fingertips to her temple. Memories flood her mind. People and planets and places she had saved alongside a long streak of nothing rush back to her. She remembers being the most important woman in creation. Then with a smile on her face Donna Noble closes her eyes and sleeps forevermore. The Doctor simply looks on with tears in his eyes as his best friend leaves this world with the only gift he could give her.
wHy
hello yes, 911 send me an aMBULANCE
I’m literally in tears right now. This would be so perfect and heartbreaking.
But this would never happen because the Doctor hates goodbyes.